coping with the emotional feelings
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coping with the feelings and attitudes of others close to you
Whilst social attitudes towards working mothers are changing, there is still adverse pressure from some parts of society. Coping with and being prepared to challenge unfavourable views will be difficult. You may be fortunate enough to get the full support of your friends and family in your decision to return to work but just in case here are some tips to help cope with challenging those possible negative reactions:
- be objective in your reasons for wanting to return to work
- try not to use subjective or emotional reasons
- challenge their preconceptions and explain the benefits of good childcare
The best way to start getting on top of these emotions is to find good childcare, as soon as possible, in preparation for your return to work.
the benefits of good childcare
Research into whether the children of working mothers do better or worse than those whose mothers stay at home is inconclusive. Good childcare can enhance a child's development both socially and intellectually. It is also beneficial to your own well-being and self-esteem as well as often being vital to the family finances.
Here are just a few of the benefits of good childcare:
| Your child | You |
|
He or she is generally not as shy and more sociable, making friends more easily. He or she learns to share, take turns and learns to behave towards other children in a thoughtful and considerate way. Speeds up his or her development and communication skills as he or she interacts with other children and has planned activities to develop learning. Eases the transition to school, learning to cope with instructions and concentration. He or she is kept stimulated by activities to aid development and learning, as he or she grows and matures. |
You are able to support or help support your family, and the income this provides means more opportunities for both you and your child. You can continue your career, boosting your self-confidence and self-esteem. Allows you to balance your work and family commitments. Allows you the freedom to be independent, making the time you do spend with your child precious and meaningful. |
coping with your feelings
With all the pre-planning in the world, when the time comes for you to return to work you will naturally be feeling torn between your child and your commitment to work. Your feelings are likely to be a mixture of sadness, anger and guilt.
It is only natural to feel upset at the prospect of leaving your baby or toddler when you return to work after having spent virtually all your time in the last few months or years caring for their every need. Along with that sadness you may feel a touch of jealousy at no longer being the person your child spends most of their time with and guilt at leaving them in the charge of someone else.
Preparing both you and the child for the transition is important, and this needs to start a few weeks before you return to work.
preparing yourself and your child for your return to work
Not all children are the same and they need to adjust to not spending all their time with you and build their confidence to spend time with others and in new environments.
- In the weeks leading up to returning to work familiarise your child with being left with others for short and gradually longer periods. This could be with your parents or a baby-sitter or a friend.
- Take your child to play groups or round to friends so that he or she can get used to the company of other children.
Both these things will help your child adjust more easily to being left in a nursery or with a carer when the times comes, and also make you feel more confident about leaving him or her in the care of others.
the week before
Ideally you should book your child into the nursery, or your choice of child carer, the week before you are intending to return to work. Many nurseries will offer settling in periods free of charge.
coping with the first week
| Do | Don't |
|
Prepare your child’s bag and your work things the night before, so you don't both feel stressed in the mornings. Leave enough time to ensure you can settle your child in before leaving for work. Ask for a progress update from your carer, each day, to reassure you and check on your child's comfort level with the new environment. Call the nursery if you have any particular concerns during the day. |
Let your child see you are upset when you leave them. Children are sensitive to your feelings; your apprehension will project onto them and could cause them distress and insecurity after your departure. Ring all the time to see how they are doing. Be too hard on yourself, your feelings are a natural reaction and it will take time for you to adjust to balancing work and child responsibilities. Feel guilty about enjoying going back to work and re-gaining some of your independence! |
coping with jealousy
You may also feel jealous towards your carer's position - this is a natural reaction.
It is healthy for children to learn to trust others and form other close relationships. There is no reason why this should undermine your own special relationship.
If you are worried then look for ways you can reinforce your bond with your child when you spend time together, through play and other activities.
